Take it back.

I can't believe that I fell for it again. 

I fell for the idea that we could make it work. I started looking at apartment complexes. 

Could we make it work in a two-bedroom? I don't need a house. If that's what we need to do, we can make it work. 

We can do this. 

But it was just an excuse, something he didn't actually want to happen. Maybe he didn't think that I'd actually go with it. 

Why give me hope? To just tear me down again? 

I fell for it, and it hurts even more. It hurts that I am not worth the effort. Ten years and I'm not worth the effort? Ten years and I wasn't worth the effort needed to address our problems. I wasn't worth the effort that it takes to share his feelings instead of pushing them to the side until it was too late to do anything about it. 

How was it so easy for him to leave when I was going through the most vulnerable time? All that bullshit about through the good and bad is bullshit. Despite the pain and sadness, I can't get past the anger that I feel when I realize that I wasn't worth the fucking effort. Someone who loves someone does not leave when that person needs the most help. I have cried out for help. I have begged for help because I had too much on my plate. I was sleepless and overwhelmed. 

I won't fall for it again. I am strong. I am capable. I will weather the storms ahead. 

I will get you off my mind. 

But I will leave those bruises behind. 

I'm never getting my hopes up again.